Confessions of a Control Freak

“Hast thou not known? Hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.” (Isaiah 40:28)

I am a control freak. Those words are not easy to hear and are even harder to say. No wants to admit this, but whether I admit it or not, it does not change reality. I AM a control freak. I don’t want to eat the food you make because I don’t know if you washed your hands before you made it. I don’t want to ride with you because I am not 100% sure that you will see the deer standing in the road before we hit it. I don’t want to accept your help in cleaning the house because I’m not sure you will do it the right way. I don’t want to let you run errands for me because you might forget to mail the bills. I don’t want you to switch the laundry because you might not fold it the second it comes out of the dryer, so wrinkles would be created. Control freak!

Unfortunately, my controlling nature is not just in my physical world. It carries over to the spiritual world as well. I don’t want you to pray for me because I haven’t shared my problem with you. I don’t want to pray to God because I’m sure there are bigger and more urgent situations that require His attention. I don’t want to trust God that things are going to work out in His way or His timing because I am convinced that with enough effort, I can do it myself.

But here is the thing, I cannot fix it all myself. I cannot save myself. I cannot heal myself. I did not speak the world into creation. I did not deliver the Israelites from Egyptian bondage. I did not cause fire to fall from heaven and consume Elijah’s burnt sacrifice in the midst of its watery trench. I did not voluntarily leave the perfection of heaven to fulfill a plan of redemption for broken, fallen earth. I did not live a perfect life that others might be saved through me.

I need to take Isaiah’s words to heart. I need to unpack the truths of this one verse and ingrain them in my being. First, unlike mortals who can trace our beginning back to conception, God is everlasting.

Revelations 1:8 puts it this way, “I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.”

Second, He is Lord. This means He has all power, all authority and all ownership of everything in the world. I think of Christ’s life on earth and how He cast out demons, healed the sick, and even pulled money from a fish’s mouth. (Matthew 17:24-27) Nothing resisted Him.

Third, He created the entire world and everything in it. Again, I look at Christ. Even the wind and seas obeyed Him. As the earth’s creator, everything in the world is subject to Him and His authority. The disciples realized this and were astonished. I should recognize it as well and live in the same awe!

Next, God never tires or takes a break. We don’t have to wait for Him to come back on duty to see to our needs. He’s there all the time seeing to every situation. It may not be the outcome I want, but that doesn’t change the fact that He’s taking care of things!

This verse was written for the dense and closed minded! If we didn’t get it the first few times, the final reminder is that God is the Almighty. This means He is in control! Not me! That’s a little scary for a control freak, but as the rest of the verse points out, it’s okay that He’s in control. He’s got it covered. He created the world and has authority over everything in it. He never rests but keeps constant vigilance. He always has and always will. Whereas my control fails, His does not. He perfectly controls EVERY single aspect. AMAZING!

What do you struggle to turn over to God? What reminds and helps you to surrender those things?