New Shoes Phase

Be it stilettos, sandals, sneakers, or slippers, a new pair of shoes is just divine!

New shoes are blemish free, wrinkle free, and odor free. These are the shoes that get shown off repeatedly. Now it may feel a little awkward and uncomfortable at first—you know…that “new-shoes-squeeze” feeling, but the confidence one obtains from wearing it far outweighs the corns and bunions that may follow. New shoes are the pair that the outdoor sees every day. They are loved and cared for with pride.

Sadly, new love in intimate relationships is like going through “the new shoes phase.” All is well in the beginning. There are endless dates, flowers, and fancy surprises. Spouses get shown off to friends and families. Every day is spent together in each other’s arms. Smiles stain happy faces. Ears protest in agony from the heat it gets resulting from long phone conversations. And inboxes gets flooded with sexy texts and hot emails.

Then the new shoes get worn out…

All the wear and tear becomes visible as the color and pizazz fade. The excitement to parade around in them dwindles; they become common ground. That’s the time they only get visits out of mere necessity—not the “I-want-to- show-them-off-to-the-world” visits, but the “I-need-them-to-get-the-job-done” visits. Finally, they’re toss into the back of the closet or in the trash and the newest edition take its place.

So it is with new romance…when it’s not new anymore. Dates turn into box dinners and Netflix on the couch. Flowers and other gifts are now items only memories offer. Time spent together has to be scheduled for a meager couple of hours. The three hour calls are now a minute long out of necessity. Sexy emails and texts now read, “Watz 4 dinner?” … “We’re out of toilet paper.”… “P.T.A is @ 6 on Thurs.”

What went wrong???

I sincerely wish new romance could stay in the new shoes phase forever. It is a happy phase where both parties are anxious to explore and discover each other. Where joy is produced from just gazing into the other person’s eyes, and where every conversation is a magical adventure. But the truth is nothing being enjoyed stays new forever.

Please note that the new shoes phase is not about carefree passion or infatuation. Any long-term relationship has the potential to experience this phase. Yet, if the relationship is built on true love, it will not be as simple as tossing out the old for the new, but working tirelessly to make the old new again.

So, how do relationships maintain their genuine bliss and excitement overtime?

It is achieved through keeping God in the middle. If He ordains the union, He’ll sustain the union. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” Mark 10:9. It also takes purposeful planning and commitment; preparation is the key. “Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest” Proverbs 6:6-8. Hard work and dedication isn’t applied only to education or career, but to relationships as well. The feeling of newness can be captured and recreated ever so often once both spouses are willing to nurse the spark of the original flame.