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As a Christian parent, hearing those words from your child, “I’m gay,” can be devastating. It can feel like a tsunami, a tornado, and a category 5 hurricane hitting you all at once. Your mind begins swirling around thinking, “Where did I go wrong, did I not raise them in the ways of the Lord?” I will share with you some helpful tips to guide you along this treacherous journey.
Helpful tips to start the healing process:
- Do not overact to your child’s statement of being gay. Overreacting can take the form of belittling, condemning, telling your child they must leave your home immediately, and quoting Bible scriptures to them (this will only push them further away; they already feel condemned by most of the Christian community).There is a time and a place to discuss what God’s Word says.
- Listen to your child. Ask open-ended questions, such as, “Tell me about how you believe when this started?” Our children are bombarded by movies, TV, music, and the culture around them, that says it is “okay to be gay.” Just take the lyrics from Lady GaGa’s song, “You were born that way.” Our children are being raised in a culture that is much like Sodom and Gomorrah in the Bible.
- Begin interceding for your child, and pray and fast as the Lord directs you. There is a demonic spirit behind homosexuality, and it is broken by prayer and fasting. It is a stronghold that does not come down easily, but the power of the Blood of Jesus can dismantle any stronghold of the enemy. Never stop fighting for your child. It is spiritual warfare, and you must take your position to take back what the enemy has stolen. Don’t believe the lies of the enemy that they will always be that way or they were born that way. Equip yourself for the battle by knowing the truth of God’s Word.
- You will go through a grieving process; this is normal. Knowing the stages of grief is helpful (denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance). The stages come in no particular order and you may feel like you are on a serious roller coaster ride of emotions. You may experience seasons of loneliness. You may feel like not interacting with the other parents who seem to have “good, Christian” children. Being around them can open up “sores” and remind you of your pain. Be gentle with yourself during this time. Do what you can do, but find at least one person to share the struggle with. Talk with someone. Tell God exactly how you feel. Write it out. Journal it. Let God become your friend during this time.
- As the Lord opens the door of opportunity to speak truth to your child, be ready! But always speak truth in love. We still want to show our children Christ’s love. Remember, we are all sinners saved by God’s grace. Love your child right where they are at. Spend time with them, but never compromise your beliefs. Never give up on them! Read the story of the prodigal son, Luke 15: 11-32.
- You may have to make some tough decisions down the road. Implementing tough love, is tough, but remembering it is ultimately for their good.
Let your child know that you love them. Never give up praying and believing for them, even when it looks like they will not turn from their choices. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the grace to endure this difficult time.
Stephanie, this is one of the best articles I’ve ever read on the topic. You hold fast to the Word of God and to love for the child. In my opinion, great article!
I found it Iinspiring to encourage a calm and loving attitude so as not to injure someone’s persona and create resistance to your instructions if we resort to using demeaning remarks. An unkind attitude and reaction shown to them would most likely have done it’s damage by causing them to turn away from you and your beliefs since the love of God in you is missing from the equation and they are getting the message that God’s condemnation is upon them. Winning them back would most likely take more time and effort to regain their trust in your love for them as well as God’s.
Once again I am saddened at the stereo type mindset of Christians towards gay & lesbian Christians. Most of the scriptures used to condemn “homosexuality” as we know it today do not even get read or interpreted in their correct context or setting. I grew up in a Christian home and knew from a young age that I liked boys. But I suppressed it , going through numerous attempts to “change my ways” , “go straight”, I tried the deliverance, prayer and fasting, counselling. It got me nowhere, the feelings I had for men never went away, all I was doing was falling deeper into depression and condemnation and living a lie. I beg you to do some research for yourselves, you will be shocked at the low success rate on corrective therapy and other so called ministries that offer help and guidance for gay people trying to go straight. Gender is part of your dna and its who you are. It is how we choose to live our lives. If my son or daughter came to me and said they were gay I would let them share their feelings, and just encourage them and reassure them that I love them unconditionally and that above all else seek to honour the Lord in the way we live our lives. Sadly non-Christian gay & lesbian groups have perverted our world wide perception of what it means to be gay. There are so many wonderful gay & lesbian people out there who are married, have kids, live everyday normal lives just like anyone else in your street! Above all else let us mind our own business, and seek to honour the Lord in ALL we do. Love one another and not pass judgement and have a prejudice mindset on what it means to be gay, lesbian or even transgender or bisexual for that matter.
Hi Pat,
You are SO right there are many wonderful LGBT’s out there, including my son. He is the most talented, gifted, loving, and compassionate person that I know. My heart has ached for him because I know how hard it has been for him in the gay lifestyle. My “job” is NEVER to condemn nor judge, but to speak truth only in love. I love my so more than anyone can imagine. We have a great relationship, and spend regular time together. There is a mutual respect between us. I don’t “point” out to him how wrong he is and how right I am. My goodness, I am a wretched sinner who was deep in sexual immorality and drug and alcohol addiction for years. I just know my life changed so much after I gave my life fully to Christ. I just want my son to have and experience what I have. I desire that for all because I truly care. I know what it is like to be deep in sin’s grasp, and I know that I did not get myself out of the life of sexual sin, I couldn’t!
My son has said to me, “I know I was not born this way and I know that God did not create me this way, I just don’t know how to be attracted to girls.” My “job” is not to convince him or ANYONE else, that their feelings are wrong. We can’t help how WE FEEL, but we can choose have we behave. Let me give you an example, before being recovered from alcohol, I “felt” like drinking a lot, but I had to CHOOSE daily to not go to the liquor store and buy alcohol.
I will love anyone who is living whatever lifestyle they choose or whomever. To me love is not a feeling, but a choice to honor and show someone value. I say to you, that I value you as a person and I value the comments that you gave. I do “hear” your heart. I am not here to pass judgment on anyone. Please continue to pursue Jesus and know that He loves you! God created you for a special purpose. Please never give up on seeking God and what He desires for you.
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. 2 Corinthians 5:10
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5: 17
And you, he made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of the world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lust of the flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and we were by nature children of wrath, just as others.
But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved). Ephesians 2:1-5
Jesus Christ died for ALL of us, everyone who was and is in sin. NONE of us is righteous enough for salvation. Even after salvation, we can still feel like sinning and sometimes we still do, we just don’t make it a habitual practice of sinning because we have an Advocate in Heaven who will cleanse us of all our sins and who forgives us.
You are loved and valuable more than you can possibly imagine! No matter HOW LONG you have cherished a particular lifestyle or sin, there is ALWAYS HOPE in the redemption of Christ. I know this first hand, since I lived in years in habitual sin. I never thought I could have a different or better life. Just giving you some things to reflect on, as I do my son; but as I tell him,” Take what helps and what does not leave behind.”
Pat, may the Lord bless you today with His love and may you come to know the Father in greater ways today. I pray that the Lord blesses you in great abundance today, and that His great mercies overflow to you.
Homosexuality is not a demon, if it were then there has to be a hetrosexual demon as well. Anyone (gay, straight, whatever) may have a spirit of lust or perversion, but there is no such thing as a homosexual demon we need to get that thought and idea out of our minds once and for all
Pat,
Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your response.
There is a (demonic) spirit of lust and perversion behind ALL sexual immorality. You are also correct, in that there are demonic spirits that are behind what heterosexuals do, such as adultery, lying, perversion, greed, envy, anger, etc.
Wasn’t Sodom destroyed because the inhabitants were gay?
In Genesis 19, two angels visit the city of Sodom. Lot urges them into accepting his hospitality, and they stay at his house for the night. Later that night, there is a gathering outside Lot’s house and they demand that the angels be brought out to face the mob, so that they may “know” or “have sex with” them (Hebrew word for “know” is “yada”). Lot and his household escape, and the town is destroyed.
If we are to believe that those who gathered around Lot’s house intended to have sexual relations with the angel, this was a case of utter and cruel attempted rape. Rape is not about sexual orientation, but about power and control. The people of Sodom wanted to show power over their enemies, these “foreigners”, in the way that they knew best.
Sodom had already been pre-ordained by God in Genesis 13:13 to be destroyed, so it was not simply because of this single act. However, this was one of many examples of Sodom’s greed and inhospitality. Scripture itself explains the sin of Sodom:
Here is the reason that Sodom was destroyed:
Ezekiel 16:49-50, NIV:
“Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned: they did not help the poor and needy. They were haughty and did detestable things before me. Therefore I did away with them as you have seen.”
Furthermore, if the people surrounding Lot’s house were all gay men, and Lot knew this, surely it would’ve been futile for him to offer his virgin daughters to them?
Lot would have at least had some reason to believe that the people of Sodom might accept his offer, since he was so desperate to protect the foreigners he’d let into his home.
It is completely unscriptural to conclude that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for being “gay cities”.
The story of Sodom does not approach homosexuality or sexual orientation, and certainly is not about God rejecting or wanting to destroy people because of it! Genesis 19 tells us of an angry mob that were clearly inhospitable and greedy! No Jewish scholars before the first century AD considered either of these stories from Genesis or Judges to be related to homosexuality – why should we?
Tish,
Greetings in the name of our Lord and Savior,
Thank you for your reply. You obviously know scripture! I appreciate your through review of these scriptures.
In Genesis 18: 20-33, Abraham knew that God must punish sin, but he also knew form experience that God is merciful to sinners. God knew that there were not 10 righteous people in the city, but he was merciful enough to allow Abraham to intercede. God DOES NOT take pleasure in destroying the wicked, but He must punish sin. He is both just and merciful. God was even merciful to help Lot get out of Sodom before it was destroyed. Sin had been so deeply absorbed into Lot’s life, and he had become hardened to evil acts in an evil city. Lot had lived so long and was so contented among ungodly people that he was no longer a believable witness for God. He had allowed his environment to shape him, instead of shaping his environment. Lot had compromised much so that he become almost useless to God. When he finally made a stand, nobody listened to him.
It is easy to criticize Lot for being hypnotized by Sodom when the choices seem so clear to us. To be wiser then Lot, we must see our hesitation to obey stems from false attractions of our culture’s pleasures.
Because Abraham pleaded for Lot, God was merciful and saved Lot from the destruction of Sodom. A righteous person can often affect others for good.
In the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, we see two facets of God’s character; His great patience (agreeing to spare a wicked city for 10 good people), and His fierce anger (destroying both cities). As we grow spiritually, we should find ourselves developing a deeper respect for God because of His anger towards sin, and also a deeper love for God because of His patience when we sin.
God is so patient and merciful to us. Praise Jesus for His mercy towards, us who are sinners.
May the blessings and love of Jesus Christ abound in you today.